Its been way to long...

Hello there....


I hope everyone reading this is just as blessed as I am. I've been MIA but for good reason. I have been focusing on being happy and :doing me" as the kids say.


I started at a new Sephora store a couple months ago and I love all the training and knowledge I am getting.


I also moved buildings at my full time job. I am now at the High School which I LOVE. These kids keep it new everyday.


I also have been seeing someone new. How exciting is that?! For the longest time I have feared that maybe I was so use to being single that I didn't want to allow anyone to love me. But I am happy to say, I am not. lol Although I love having my own space and being alone. I also love having someone.


SO many things to say and so little time. I just wanted to check in because its been so long!


See  you guys soon.

Caitlyn Jenner

So unless you have been living under a rock lately, you have obviously seen or heard about Caitlyn Jenner, formally known as Bruce Jenner.


I must say that when this story first "broke" I thought it was a scam. I thought when the interview would air that he was going to say something different, well he did but it wasn't what I expected. Bruce Jenner stated that he has always felt like a woman and that he would be transition as a  woman soon.


Yes, this happens every day in our community, But being someone "famous", being someone that has a very large platform this could either make him or break him.


For Bruce to come out and say he will become, who we now know as Caitlyn, is such a big thing. He has the opportunity to change the way we think about people. weather we agree or not on what he is doing, it is the fact that he had enough courage to come out and say it. He gave his truth.


Unfortunately in our society things aren't accepted or cool, or ok until someone famous does it. Lets be honest, the latest hairstyles, make up trends, fashion trends are inspired by the red carpet or from a  famous person going to the grocery store. So, that being said, Bruce coming out shines a light on all of those who struggle with it every day. It sparks conversation and hopefully acceptance.


Its one of those things that people will say, well if Bruce did it, so can I.


Now given that he does have a bigger platform then most people, this will also open him up to being judged, being scrutinized in such a big way. We know it as bullying and we know that everyone has an opinion, or something to say, good or bad. Imagine walking into a store and seeing your face on a magazine with a bad caption, or walking out your house and having someone take your picture, turning on the TV and seeing your face plastered on every station you turn to, all of this, every second of every day.


I think Bruce is one of the bravest people that my generation has every seen. No we didn't know him as the Olympian that everyone older then me knew him as, I know him as Bruce Jenner the step father of the Kardashians.  I've watched him on the show and that is what I know him to be. I've watched now 10 seasons...Yes I am a HUGE fan.


I can say I don't know what its like to live in a body and go 65 years feeling like I don't belong there. I don't know what its like to hate the person I feel like I have to be everyday because, society wouldn't make it ok to be who I want to be or the person I feel I am inside. I don't know what its like to have gone my whole life and  never feel like I belong. To dread every hair cut, to dread watching people around me and wish I was them.


I do know what its like to be in a room full of people and feel like, Ummm this isn't my type of crowd, I don't belong here but I also know what its like to be able to get up and walk away . I do know what its like to feel alone, and carry secrets that could change your whole life. I do know the stress of feeling like I need to make everyone around me happy, even if that means making myself feel  anything but happy. What I can say is that, I cant imagine feeling all those things X10 every second of 65 years.


I know what its like to have watched friends go through years of lying to make other people happy, simply because they don't want to disappoint any one, and I have seen those same people, speak their truth and witness the transformation in them.



It isn't about who agrees and who doesn't. Because I believe in a higher power, God, and I know that he is the only one that can judge me or anyone else. Because no ones "sin" is bigger then the other. I  believe people should be allowed to live their truth, what ever that may be. I believe that we as a society should be more accepting and should embrace the fact that we are all not the same. Everyone is different in their own kind of way.



So, people ask, why are people praising him and this happens all the time. Well yes, we may watch it all the time in our society. But it has never been center stage. Its always been something that is never spoke of, a secret that people never speak of, the elephant in the room. No one in history, has ever come out and transitioned in front of the world. NO one but , Caitlyn Jenner.

I am excited to hear the conversation and see the change in our society. I am excited to see the fall of suicide rates in our youth because now they may feel like we, as a society, will be more accepting. We as a society will be less judgmental and more willing to just ACCEPT!

Im 32...Todays my Birthday

I am so blessed....No matter how many times I have felt alone, I have always known that there was something so much bigger then me that carried me through. God has shown me who he is, on many occasions. There has been times where I have cried out to him, thinking he was not there to hear my cry, and in an instant, he showed me he was. There has been a blessing in every tear I have shed, in ever pain I have felt.

I wont go into all Ive been through but I will say this past year has brought me so much. I am blessed for the woman I have met, that I now call my friends. I am blessed to have been shown the true colors of those that I once considered "friends" and even some that were labeled "family". God has open doors for me and allowed me to make decisions that at one time, I was  scared to make. He has given me the wisdom to know what I need to hold onto and what to let go of. I have walked away from people I once thought I couldn't live with out.


He allows me to look into the eyes of my God son, who lets me know everyday that miracles and blessings are real.

He allows me to see my son, the young man he has become and lets me know I am doing my best. And that I am much stronger then I ever thought I was.

He allows me to love those that wanted to tare me down, to show me that I am much bigger then that pain...That I am worth more then holding onto things that were meant to break me.

He allows me to put my key into a place that I call MY HOME...

He lets me rest my head in peace every night alone, so that I can understand that I don't need a man to make me feel complete.....

Thanks to everyone who has made this year nothing less than AMAZING!!

Well Hello There Beautiful.....

Yes it has been a long time. I wish I could say things are good. If you have been following me you know the past year, my post have been filled with my little Love, my heartbeat, My Peanut. Well last weekend my niece decided to move to New Hampshire. 6 Hours away! My heart hurt and I cried for a whole week. I went to see him last Friday. He was at my grand moms house and the whole drive there I felt myself getting emotional and I kept telling myself that I wouldn't cry. I walked in and he was asleep on the couch. I picked him up, laid him on my chest and just started crying. He has been my little Sunshine since the day he was born. I feel like someone has taken my heart right out my chest.

Let me say that I pray that everything works out for the best, whatever that may be. But I miss my love. I miss his smile, I miss his face, I miss my baby.....I'm sure that there will come a day where this will be the norm, but, today is not that day. I do get to see him everyday. I harass my niece all the time and video chat him, he looks confused lol. My biggest fear is that he forgets who I am. That when he comes to visits he will not want to give me a hug or kiss. I am afraid I will become a stranger to him.

Deep In thought

I wrote this awhile ago....Its been in my drafts folder so I decided to publish...

Being hurt causes so many questions, especially when a person that you love and that you thought loved you is unfaithful. You want to know know why? how? The WHY is the biggest one. My sister told me when all this happens, she says, when you were a good woman they will come back to you, they will always come back. And maybe that's true but maybe its to late. Sometimes the pain is much to deep and that wound is something that person can never heal. No matter what the answers to the questions are, that you ask, the answers will never be enough, they will never ease the pain. And no matter how much I want to know why, I know deep inside that, no matter what he says, it will not be enough.

I feel bad because maybe  he has changed. Maybe now he realizes what a good woman I was to him. In my heart I knew it wasn't something I did but, it didn't take away the times I picked myself apart. My ego was broken, the woman I thought I was, and knew, was broken. He broke me

He would always say, you think you love me more then I love you.  I would never answer but YES I did love you more then you loved me.

At the end of it all I hope he did change and that he is a better man for her, or any woman he is with. I will always be his cheerleader and want to see him do well. I wish him nothing but the best. But I know that, I could never make him happy.

Hurting someone changes who they are, it changes how they are towards you. but most importantly It changes how they see you. If you are not ready for that change....think about it before you do it. Stop taking love for granted. Love, is giving someone the power to hurt you but praying they wont. Love is protecting someone and thinking of them, before you think of yourself. 

If I had to Sum up 2014 in one word.....

It would be Clarity....

I must say that 2014 was not an easy year. Its so easy to say that you have moved on when it is "out of site, out of mind" but when its in your face, that's when the struggle begins and you realize that letting go wasn't that easy.

For the first time EVER I put my feelings, MYSELF, before anyone else. I have learned what I deserve and realized what I wanted out of life and I know, what I don't want. I had to be selfish. I had to put me first and that wasn't easy. When I love, I love with every piece of me. I will put that persons feelings before my own. I was tired of doing that because, while I was putting everyone else first, who was putting me first? No one. So, i did.

I also learned that loving someone doesn't mean that they need to be an active part in your life. I will put this out there. I will always love my ex. Even after everything he did to me, even after how he broke me, I will always love him. We had 5 good years, and I am not ashamed of that. But I know now, that what he wants and what I want, are not the same. It took me to be broken, to pick myself up, to realize that. And I am grateful that he let me go because, I know that I wasn't strong enough to do so. And at that time I would have accepted any way he treated me because, I loved him. So, aside from all the pain, I have grown so much. The woman I am today is not the woman I was 3 years ago. And I am happy to say that, I am in a much better place because of what he did. Everything he did.

Leaving this year , has left with so much clarity. I feel like I finally see clear, and everything that God has been trying to give me, teach me, I am finally getting it. I am grateful, I am blessed and I am Happy. God is SO GOOD!!!

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!!!

Its his Birthday Party