Last night it rained a lot here. I was driving home at about 1am...on 495, something came over me and I just cried. I thought about you and your last minutes alive. I wondered if you felt alone, if you felt pain. I wondered if you knew how much you were loved and how much people appreciated you.
For so long I would trick my mind into thinking about something else every time I drove on 495, I cant help but to think of you and that day that we lost you. I wonder if every one else does the same. Last night, for the first time I felt broken, and I was over come with pain....I couldn't stop myself any more, and I let it go. I allowed myself to cry for you.
Frankie....its been months since your passing and I still think of you often. The other night in my room I swore I seen you standing here. With your white T-shirt on, that wasn't so white from car grease lol. At first glance I told myself it wasn't true but I seen you again. It was almost like you were telling me that you were there and I wasn't imagining things.
I believe that you are in a better place, and even though I tell myself that, I somehow can't get over you not being here. Somehow it doesn't seem fair. We didn't get to say Goodbye to you the way we should have. Maybe, its because somehow, we wouldn't have been able to let you go.
And amazingly as fast as I started to cry I was overcome with relief. Its one of the strangest feelings ever and one that I cant explain. I started to think of the last time I seen you, when you came by and brought me the mothers day card. I remember thinking "this big ass card" lol but in it, was a card to your daughter. Peace came over me, and although at times I will be selfish and miss you here on earth. As I said before Im jealous, because you are up there partying with the best.
Frankie...I love you and miss you dearly. I know you are with us, with my son, your grandson,. Im thankful that I feel you near and I have so many memories to hold on to.
RIP Frankie
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