This has been a long time coming...Over 2 months to be exact. I finally decided to sit and write this because a part of me needs closure and Im praying this will be it.
I went to my Grandmoms house today and I seen the picture above. It made me realize that my mom was happy with you. SHe loves you so dearly.
I wish I could look you in your face and tell you that I forgive you and Im not mad at you. The last time we really spoke we were outside of moms house. And I got there during an argument. I asked you if you could change the light bulb in my car, You got right up and did it, like you always did when someone asked you to do something for them. I remember feeling so uncomfortable because you and mom were yelling. At some point I got up and went outside with you. You told me that you were sorry and that you really loved mom. I looked at you and said Its ok, I know. And when I said ok, at that point I let go of all the anger I felt towards you. I am my mothers child and because of that I always took her side and there were times I felt like you didn't appreciate her and every thing she did. But some how at that moment, I seen in your eyes how much you really loved her.
I was also in a good place with myself and my vision with people was much clearer. I had realized that no ones relationship is perfect. And at the end of the day you loved her and she loves you. Anything in between that didn't matter.
I want to thank you....For loving my mom the way you did. For always having her back. We knew that no matter what you all went through if, my mom needed something, if we needed something you were always there. And for that I can never thank you enough.
I also want to thank you for being a grandfather to my son. Words can not begin to express how thankful I am and for that I have so much love in my heart for you, and I always will. My son has so many memories with you. The other day we went to your grave. I stood there and I cried. When I looked up Xavier was crying too. I gave him a hug and he said Mom why do people have to die, He didn't do anything! It broke me! I didn't know what to say. But somehow there was comfort there, I felt you there and it was almost like you were hugging us both. I cant begin to explain that feeling but in an instant I was calm and I was ok. My son cries for you often, its almost like every time someone speaks your name he begins to cry. I know that you are around him and I hope one day he will feel your presence and peace will find him also.
I have never seen my mom the way she has been. Frankie, she misses you so much. The thought of it right now has me in tears. I'm sure you are around her, and I ask that you continue to give her signs that you are still with her. That one day she will get to the point where she will no longer look at the pictures of the accidents, that her tears will turn to smiles, and that her pain will turn to memories. I hope one day she will be at peace.
My mom told me that when they found your phone, it turned on for just a minute and you had me and Xaviers picture as your screen saver. I remember you loved to show us off. All of your friends, the people that knew you, asked my mom how his daughters were doing since your passing. Its such a blessing that you would walk around claiming us as your children.
We had Moms 50th party last weekend. We were all at odds if we should have it or not because you weren't physically here. but Honestly I know you were there. I seen it in my moms face. She was so happy....So thank you for making an appearance even if it was in our hearts. But that is where we will carry you. I promise that we will think of you often. We will laugh at all the crazy stuff you did and even shed a tear because we miss you. Either way you will always be with us. In our hearts we will carry you always!
Please look after my mom from up there. Tell Tio Eric I said HI and that I miss him and love him so much.
I'm blessed to know we are being looked after by some great people and I'm kind of jealous that you are hanging with the best.
Frankie, I love you and Thank you for everything.
Your daughter, Loly
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